The purpose for this blog is not to write my everyday lives. This is where I state my problems and my feelings. No people know how I feel other than those who are reading it right now. Neither my family nor my friends know about this.

I thought my life was turning for the better. She was there when I needed her. I was there when she needed me. Whatever she wants I gave her. I'm not like other boyfriends where they just want their girlfriends to be with them only, like no freaking freedom for them. Not me. I gave her total freedom. She can do whatever she likes just as long as she don't go fucking with other guys. Ain't that shit enough for her? I'm trying my best here to make the relationship work. Please tell me whose at fault right now. Is it me or is it you? Cause the way you say it just now was very one sided.

I didn't take care of you? Are you fucking kidding me? I DID NOT?! The whole time, this whole time you were the only person that I spend time most. Whenever you had problems I tried to be there for you, be it on the phone or there myself. It is you who had to work for weeks and being so tired till we can't meet. You who wanted to meet your friends so late at night or hang out till late at night and the next day we didn't get to meet because you fell sick. It ain't me. It's a part of your fault too. Why can't you fucking see it?

I know you're a fucking choosy person which I totally hate it. I know you want a lot of things or expectations from me but for god sakes give me a break too! I need someone by my side too. I told you to get a proper job so that you can adjust it with your school so that you won't be too damn tired to even go to school but you fucking insisted on doing the damn camps. The pay is fucked up. You had to go away for two nights. After that, you always feel too damn tired or fall sick. Now tell me, how is that going to help you with your school. I don't even know whether you really wanna go to school or you just damn stuck up with the camp work.

I really do care about you and your future. Why do you always keep complaining about your family life where you yourself don't want to overcome it. Instead you ran away. Like our relationship. You can't take this shit no more and you wanna run away. AGAIN. You did it to me once, why not do it again. Being in a OPEN relationship? What the fuck does that even mean? It means that both of us are fucking SINGLE but still dating. Ain't that the same shit as breaking up with me? Why do I have to go through this shit all over again and again and again. Fuck ya all I had it with this fucking life.

Really, why again? I ask myself a million times already. I thought I had the answer. No, I had it but somehow a new fucking question pops out of nowhere and hell, I have to go through this shit all over again. Nice timing. Going to serve my NS (National Service) or so called to say serve them government for two years. I wanted what's best for you baby. I'm begging you to at least give me another chance. Let's work this relationship together. Fuck the open relationship thing. You know I don't believe in that shit. It's either you're attached or you're single that's it.

You wanna know where you stand in me? You're the only one that can make me feel better. You're the only one that can make me smile fully. You're the only one that can make me go crazy again. It's all you baby. You complete me. Without you, I'm just one guy in the middle of nowhere. Now you know where you stand in me. I don't have anything else to say. I'll be gone on the 14th. If this is what you really want then so be it. You'll be better off with some other guy that's better than me. That can go out late at night just to be with you. That can get you whatever you want. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. Don't come searching for me when I'm gone cause you know things won't work out once I'm serving my NS and you going to school. I'm so damn sure that you will be caught up with your school if not your work that we don't even have the time to meet or spend time together. You have friends, I don't really have much. Just don't think that your opinion or thinking is all correct and everything must go your way. Like I said before, change yourself or you will be stuck in your fucked up life like how you're in right now.

I know you're reading this cause I can feel it. Just tell the truth like how I'm telling the truth over here. Never in my life did I ever lie to you. Think about it baby. Your future is at stake so start changing and plan ahead. I already told you all that so you should know what to do. One more thing, promises were meant to be broken for your own good.

still waiting @ 7:18 AM