Maybe I did forget about her for some time but whenever I read the previous post and with this sad song on the background, my god it does hurt so much. I give up and I really do. I can't stop thinking about her and I truly do love her so damn much. I don't care if it will hurt me in the end but I can't take it any longer. I want to hug her, I want to kiss her, I want to touch her hair, I want HER! Sorry, maybe I was exaggerating too much but what can I do. I tried forgetting her in all kinds of ways. The past can't never be forgotten.
I just wish she could read this blog just to know how I feel all this while but in the same time I don't want her to know. She's in love for god sake. If only we can meet just once, I will be very happy indeed but she's busy working or going out with her lover.
This is my life. I love my life but I hate my life at the same time cause of the things I have to go through. I'm just chasing ghost. I know i can never get her ever. If you ever wonder why I put up this song is because I love the intensity of the violin. The high notes make you feel hanging but when it drops down you feel better. This song makes me suffer every time I hear it. This song makes me think back all about my past, all the bad memories but at the same time, it makes me relax in some way. I've been holding back my tears for god knows how long and I'm on the verge of letting go all the sadness in me. I'll never realise that tears are running down cheeks and it keeps flowing down and my body is shaking uncontrollably. Of course this only happens when I'm alone cause I don't want people to see that I'm sad real bad. I don't want them to feel sad.
My 'used to be' close friend always ask me share the pain together. Tell me your problems so you won't need to suffer that bad. i told her some of it, actually most of it about my love life. She tried to help and I'm glad she really did try but where is she now? She had a boyfriend and he hates me cause he thought I got a crush on her. For god sakes I only love one girl fool! And because of him I can't never share my problems with her and now she always complains about him mistreating her. I decided to listen to all her problems and I really did as a close friend but what I get in return. She left me all alone too. She doesn't care about me. All she care is her boyfriend fucking her!
She's still my 'close friend' though only that we never contacted each other like we used to be. She always came talking to me only when she's got a problem with her life. Do I look like a counsellor to you? I did listen to her and help her in any way I can but in the end, she left me all alone again. This time, she never did contact me every again and I don't wish to talk to her or see her again. She is making fun of my feelings. It's okay, do what you want with me as long as you're happy with your life.
I still love you.......
still waiting @ 2:35 AM
