It's been nine months now since she left me. And yes I'm still single and she's still attached to the same person. Let's not talk about her anymore. She leads her own life now and I have mine to worry about.
Alot of things have changed. Friends go away and only a few returned. It's not really surprising caused I'm used to that kind of tradition. So far, that few friends of mine are now my really close friends and yes, this time they won't go away. I really hope so cause they are my only friends. You may looked at me as a depressed kid or lonely person whose got nothing better to do but to talk about love and sad things like I have no other things that is happening in my life. I have my family, two of my close friends and a few others. This few people, kept me alive till now. They are the reason why I'm still here. They gave me hope to live again. I'm really glad that I have them in my life.
There is this girl, they call her meow, damn she really know how to make me smile. I knew her quite some time ago and yes she's cute, pretty and she got a lovely voice. Quite irritating at some points but I like the way she is. It happen a few days back during my friends birthday party and only four of us stayed together at this hotel. Me, her, my friend and his girlfriend. Those are the three most happiest day of my life ever since you know when. The joy, the laughter, I can't really describe it but it is so wonderful. But it is all too good to be true and I'm am right. The moment we went our seperate ways I fell down hard to the ground. She's like a drug to me. Whenever she's there I'm like so addicted to it and the moment she's gone, I'm craving for it real bad.
Too bad she's attached and I have to continue my own life. I had some pretty rough days but it's all good now. Actually it's not but I can't do much can I? I'm still thinking about her right now but all I can do was to make sure she's happy all the time. Even when I heard she's fighting with her boyfriend, all I can do was to pray that all that bad things will go away and she will be fine again.
Here's one thing about me now. I'm afraid to fall in love. I'm too scared that if I were to fall in love, history will repeat itself again and I'm not going to let it happen. Even if it's torturing me, I won't be in love with someone. That's how afraid I am. I can't afford to hurt anyone anymore. This time, I totally gave up with everything. Looking at my past and my present now, I have totally changed. I had the confidence to make new friends and date girls which I like but right now, fear is all over me. Afraid of losing someone, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of everything. Every single step that I take, I will take it slowly, trying to prevent myself from making that past mistakes that I made. I'm shy all over again. I'm scared to make new friends. Sometimes, I don't even wanna go out of the house for one full week.
What will happen in the future? I have no idea but I hope it's going to be a good one.
still waiting @ 8:06 AM
