Here I am again writing about my life. I won second place in WCA. 9th place in Kedah. That's not the main point here. I've fallen in love. You may think it's a good thing but actually it's not. We were somehow that close towards each other for the first few days but everything changes after the next day. It's like she's trying to avoid me or something or maybe I'm just not the guy for her.
It was my fault too that I put in so much hope for the two of us to be together because she opened my heart after two years of loneliness. I don't mind being alone for the rest of my life but somehow she opened my heart. I've never felt so much love in such a long time. The feeling of jealousy, worried and almost everything. In the end, sadness still prevail. I just don't think I'm that useful towards her anymore. She got her friends, her family to accompany her. Even when I'm not around, she still manages to be happy.
I thought I was "happy" enough to get over the previous one. And now she came, making my life so wonderfully nice and perfect for these few days. Now it's like hell all over again except that it's getting worse day by day. Even my friend said I need someone whom I can trust and talk about all my problems but I said, I lost that one particular friend a long time ago and things were like this ever since. Just because of one person can ruin my whole entire life. I don't blame her for it nor her boyfriend. She did it for her own happiness and not mine which is a good thing. Sometimes, you just had to do it for your own good and sacrifice others. I bet she's enjoying her life now with her boyfriend and her wonderful friends.
I'm not schooling anymore, friends all busy with their stuff. I'm just working and working for 2010 to pass by. Right now I'm living without any purpose. Just a lost soul wandering around the world. Writing all this with tears running down my cheeks, with a very sad song keep repeating itself, all alone in the bedroom. How more depressing can it be. Do you think I'm happy to be in this state of confusion or whatsoever? No, I don't. It's killing my on the inside. I can't feel. Why do I smile, why do I cry, Why do I feel the anger. WHY? I'm feeling nothing now. Life without you is meaningless but life still has to go on right? You are all that I ask for.
still waiting @ 10:19 PM
