You may seem that my life is perfect in every single way. I thought it was. My life was complete with her around me but I was foolish enough to believe that. It all happened too fast that i dare not think again about it cause it's just unbearable. One of my close friend called me and said that she wanted to leave me and I didn't say why cause I don't want to know the reason. I'm hurt real bad when I hear the news. For the whole seven month we were happy together, never fought with each other and we understand each other. I just said "okay". That one word change my whole life. I just can't believe she took my heart and just return the half of it. The feeling, it's just too painful, it's like I'm hanging myself but will never die. It hurts so bad that I want it to stop but I can never find a way.
For three years, until now I'm trying to find the reason why she left me. The only possible thing I could thing off was that maybe I'm too childish at that time. It's my first time falling in love with someone. Maybe I thought I gave her enough love but the fact was that I gave her none. Maybe I think too much of myself whereas I should think more of her. Maybe, just maybe, I'm hopeless after all. Never did I try to chase her back cause I'm too scared she never love me no more. I'm just plain stupid. The day she left me until now, I never had any successful relationships neither did I able to forget about her. I just love her too much to let her go just like that. Just one thing I was able to feel comfort when she talked to me once in a while but it was very rare. That moment I felt happy, alive and able to think more optimistically. The reason why was that she was happy. Whenever she's happy, I'm happy. I can't never get her back. She's in love with someone else. Every time I watch a love movie where at first they fall in love with each other and then someone leaves him/her behind making him/her miserably sad but in the end, they found each other again and they were happy forever. I just wish that our relationship can be like that but it's just a story. I'm just giving myself false hope.
Just by typing every single word in here may I able to forget her. I just hope I can cause I can't take it. Whenever I walk to school, go out with my friends or whatever I do outside my house, there will always be a happy couple around. I just saw them so happy together minding their own life but on this side, a lonely soul is walking blindly seeking for the other half of his heart. Will she return it back or will I forever be lost in the woods? I just hope finding this answer will not take the rest of my life searching for it.
For the people reading this, not that I'm not asking someone to pity me or help me search the answer. I'm just typing my story so that I can forget about my past that is haunting me till now. May my past stay here, at this blog, leaving me alone and may I enjoy my life with someone else or god's willing, she will love me back....
still waiting @ 6:01 AM
