The word pain can be describe in many terms. Not only am I feeling the pain all over my body but my heart is in pain too. Let's talk about the pain outside. Firstly, I have been having this chest pain every time I cough and breathe in. It hurts so bad that I don't even feel like breathing. It's like something or someone is trying to squeeze my chest real tight till I can't breathe right. I've been trying to make the pain go away by eating painkillers medicine and stuff but it's not going away. Maybe I just smoke too much.

After that, my left knee starts to hurt every time I tried kicking a ball or carry some heavy stuff. Went to this massage place and he told me that I got a small ligament tear on the left side of the knee. It's like everything starts to fall apart.

You know what, forget about these pain. I'm so hurt right now. What did I do wrong to make our relationship ends? Why must she go away? Why am I so stupid to let her go just like that? Why didn't I fight for our relationship? I'm so stupid. You know, thinking about this can really make you feel so painful that it's really like you're taking a sharp knife and slowly pierce through your chest and then through your heart.

I've hurt so many people that I do not wish or intend to hurt. Everytime when there is or was someone in my life I will always hurt them but whenever they're not with me and I'm alone, things will go just fine. Maybe I am destine to be alone in this world. It is true that life is unfair but I have accept the way it is. I'm so used to being alone that I can stay quiet for weeks and I did that before. Whenever you walk to school or you're in your class sitting down and looking at the teacher, you can feel the distance between you and the world. It's very far apart. You can see that you're walking with your friends but the fact is, you're very far away from them. The years of being alone has make all your feelings happy, sad, anger all seems the same. This is what I'm feeling right now and for years. I've been keeping this feelings all along and not telling anyone about it. They know I'm having some problems but I did not tell them what or why. It's because I don't want them to know what's wrong with me or worry about me.

Till this day no one was able to know a single problem about me except for her. I told her some of my problems when we were together but I can't say it in word cause it hurts too much so I wrote it on a paper and let her looked at it. While she was looking at it, just suddenly I felt tears dropping down and I was crying so badly after that. Everytime someone scolds me and anything sad happen, I will never show my sadness to anyone. I will keep it to myself. That day, I can't take it anymore so I cry and cry in front of her. She try to comfort me but the more she did the more I cry. I've never felt someone care so much about me, that hug me when I cry, that try to make me feel better. The feelings that I felt that day was just too painful to describe but at the same time, she wanted to share the pain together with me.

I love you from the day I met you until now baby. I know you have someone to love but if only you could read what I felt all this while, I just want to say I still love you no matter what. :)

still waiting @ 6:56 AM